fighting for your love story

September 23, 2013

I felt it a few weeks ago when I finished reading 40 Days of Dating
I felt it again last week when I watched the season finale of Breaking Pointe

Frustration. Pure and simple frustration. My mind screamed so loud, I wasn't sure if it was really my mind or if it was actually me. The reason for the frustration is the same every time;the above scenarios have a serious flaw in common. I'm finally going to empty my mind and talk about the frustration. 

In all fairness, the media doesn't show us everything. In all fairness, I've been married only three years. But we've been together nearly nine and the "D" word isn't in our vocabulary. God forbid it ever makes an appearance, I hope I remember the words I am recording now, because I feel this is the reason so many relationships are failing.

People are giving up. They aren't trying. They aren't fighting. They're just quitting. It's sad and infuriating all at once.

I, like many citizens of blog land, eagerly awaited those last few 40 Days of Dating posts that Tim and Jessica withheld from us for a few weeks. Some days, it seemed like they could never work out. Other days, their relationship looked promising.



Of course, we know that by day 39, things looked pretty bleak. What should have been a romantic trip to the "most magical place on earth" went very wrong. A fight was picked and nasty words that can't be taken back were said...all fueled by a forgotten jacket.

It wasn't the fight that upset me. Yes, it was awful, and honestly, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who said things like what Tim said to Jessica that day. They were unfair, unwarranted, unnecessary.

What upset me was the lack of trying, mainly on Tim's part. In the beginning, we see the two share their goals and their drawbacks. They typecast themselves as the commitment phobe and the serial monogamist.

But wasn't the goal of the experiment to investigate why and to work on those things? I feel like throughout the blog, we see Jessica taking her counseling to heart and applying it. Instead of being offended by Tim's actions, she thinks about why. When something she does upsets him, she takes the criticism and tries something different the next time. A perfect example was the very fight I just referred to. Tim complains that Jessica doesn't defend herself, so she does. And you know what? He reacts and chooses not to like it anyway. Really, dude?

In the meantime, I feel like Tim has his good moments, but for the most part he's whining. All throughout the project: "I feel pressured!"  He says so all. the. time! We see maximum whining and minimal trying. Then on day 40, he has the nerve to say "I know now that I’m in love with her. I love her, yet I know there’s nothing else I can do."

Really? Really? Love involves actions and trying and things you could have done if you didn't put yourself on the defensive this whole experiment. Agh! Both parties admitted feelings for the other; Imagine how different things could have been if both parties actually tried. The best moments in chick flicks are the ones where one party fights for the other. That element was notably absent here.


I don't know how many people watch(ed) Breaking Pointe. It's a reality ballet mini-series on the CW. I found the first series on hulu and was thrilled when a second season was announced.

Of course, what would reality tv be if it were all dancing and no drama? There was drama aplenty this season, some from a younger, immature dancer, and more from two married dancers we met the previous season, principals Chris and Christiana.


Right from the beginning, Christiana admits there is trouble in paradise. We don't know specifics, and we see very minimal interaction between the two all season since she has decided the two shouldn't talk at work. Many times, we see Chris try to approach her only to receive a cold shoulder.

Again, in all fairness, tv can hide or show what it wants to. What it does show is a vague interview almost every episode saying the same things: we're going through hard times, we shouldn't talk at work, I need to get on my own to figure things out and get my life back on track.

It's sad. We don't know specifics, and again, we don't see interaction whether it be conversation or argument. We see some attempts from Chris to reach out before he eventually gives up.

The season is short, focusing on one winter ballet. I was hoping that with the stress of the performance removed, they could work together. Take a time out? Fine. But see a counselor, talk it out, something!

Instead, we see a sad Christiana withdrawing more and more, and an exhausted Chris in the last few episodes acknowledging that he doesn't like things, but he "has to let her go."

I hate that phrase. What does that even mean? She's your wife! Marriage works when people take the harder route of holding on, not letting go! Fight. for. it.

But. alas, he lets her walk away. And when the series finale aired, the end "where are they now?" text reveals that the two have since divorced.

My heart sank and screamed at the same time for both of these couples. A love story that could have so easily been preserved with effort. But our society doesn't seem to believe in effort anymore.

My love story is young. Only three years of marriage (though many more of dating). Things haven't been so hard on us. Life has been hard, but marriage has not. We haven't been forced to try. Yet.

One day, we likely will. I pray that I will be wise enough to look back to what I'm feeling now and remember my own words. Try. Do something. Fight for your love story. Isn't it worth it?


  1. I so agree, love is more than emotions and you have to work at it and fight for it! I read an article today about what love really is that I thought was good :)

  2. Wow, I know I need to take some notes from this post!

  3. Me too. It hurts my heart so much when I hear about couples giving up.
    Sure, I've just been married a short while - and sure I'm in the "honeymoon stage" - but when a couple breaks up after just a few years of marriage (happens often here in the military) it shows me nothing about how healthy your relationship was or wasn't. What it shows me is your character.

    Marriage isn't something you quit.
    But the truth (as my pastor always says), it takes TWO willing hearts.

  4. Amen Becca. Cami and I agreed while we were engaged that we would never even joke about divorce. It isn't even an option for us. Our marriages aren't only something that we should fight for they're something we should live for. They should be wonderful and uplifting, not just something that we live through.

    1. Once again, I misspell your name. I am a horrible friend. :)

  5. Everyone says that the first year of marriage is the hardest. It's not. It's the years when you have small children. We fight for it every day because with two under two, it is VERY stressful and chaotic most days in our house.

  6. I remember reading a blog once and she was talking about how her and her husband got a divorce simply because they fell out of love. I dont believe you can fall out of love, because I believe that true love is intentional. I LOVE the idea of fighting for your marriage. <3


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