A week from today marks 12 years since I drove in the snow to a movie theater two towns from my own for a first date. Never mind that I tried to get out of that date or that the guy in question has since admitted he chose a movie date in case conversation was lacking. Clearly, neither of us had high hopes for that first date.

Next month marks another anniversary, however: 12 years since that date led to an awkward DTR talk along the lines of "so, are we exclusive now?"


I think we all know how the story goes from there since this June marks another anniversary...our 7th wedding anniversary!

Anyone who's been reading along here knows that the list is actually infinite considering we don't celebrate February 14, but since the 23 is our own Valentine's Day of sorts, stick with me here. I do enjoy looking through online V-Day gift guides each year, and I find them uninspiring each year (am I the only one?).

Here's just a sampling of recommended gifts "for him" that won't be purchased for Sean anytime soon (though just in case one of these are your thing, this post contains affiliate links!):

1. Jewelry. Some men can wear jewelry and pull it off, but that's not Sean's thing. Aside from his wedding ring, he wears no jewelry whatsoever—not even a watch. Still, every year, I see lots of man-jewelry on the gift guides, roll my eyes, and move along. This year's favorite: Men's Stainless Steel Magnetic Skull Bracelet.
2. Underwear. I think marketing people decided that they should just translate popular gifts for women over to men. Jewelry for her? Great! Lingerie for her? Sure! But for him? I'd venture to say underwear and socks are about as exciting a gift as, well...underwear and socks. If he needs some, buy some, but don't call it a gift. Also, there's a ton of briefs for him on the guides this year. Are men's preferences shifting?
3. Skincare. One well-known retailer featured knockoffs of ProActiv and clarisonic in their men's gift guide. Again, maybe good for her (if she asks for it guys, no need to encourage any insecurities), but Sean won't be scrubbing his face with fancy gadgets anytime soon...or probably ever.
4. Heart-print anything. Nothing says "look at my manly man" like bright red heart-shaped cufflinks. Or a heart-engraved flask. Or pretty much anything with hearts. If you're a more fun couple, you can break rule #2 here with some heart-print boxers...as long as there's still a real gift somewhere.
5. A manicure set. Sean is good to go with nail clippers. I think the remaining 5 pieces would overwhelm him, and when the choices for case color are lime green, pink, or baby blue....yeah, I'm not sure he'd carry that around anyway.

Do you celebrate Valentine's Day? What would you never get your S.O.?

Dear Mindy Kaling,

Last night, my husband and I caught up on season 4 of The Mindy Project from episode 11 through the mid-season finale.

As Sam Smith began to sing towards the finale's end, my husband reached for my hand, assuming I was sad. Maybe even crying. He didn't realize that despite looking somber, I was actually rejoicing.



When I was 18, I dated a boy. Everything was perfect: I'd never met someone so sweet and we were surely in love. Three months later, he drove me home from work while giving me the cold shoulder. He didn't say a word until he pulled into my driveway and then he exploded. My "offense"? I did my job.

No, really. I was in college and waiting tables. He showed up shortly after 7 to pick me up from a shift ending at 8 pm. When a table came in at 7:30, my boss assigned the table to me, I waited it, and I was off by 8. Nothing incomprehensible to me.

To him, I was a selfish, horrible, inconsiderate person. How dare I waste his time? I should grovel for his forgiveness. He shouldn't even consider giving me a second chance.

I'm not making any of this up or exaggerating. This was the start of a emotionally abusive relationship. He would frequently react this way if I did anything insane like make a trip to the grocery store or pick up an extra shift at work without calling and telling him first.

What's that? I dared to label the relationship "abuse" when he never violently touched me? Some people will call that exaggeration, and that is where we have a problem. Emotional abuse is real, and it's a devastating problem that can turn a competent, strong, independent woman into a passive, fearful shell of her formal self.

I was that former shell for nearly a year, and I've seen Dr. Mindy Lahiri become that shell throughout season 4. This season has been frustrating; I've wanted to reach through the TV and scream at Dr. L—even though I know she won't listen. Women in this situation rarely do. If they're lucky, they reach a point where they wake up and take the first step towards moving on.

I took that step 11 months into our so-called "relationship". 11 months too late, but better late than never. Seeing Dr. L take her first step in the mid-season finale was both relieving and empowering.

The comment threads on Facebook are filled with devastated fans who just want Mindy and Danny to "work it out," but this is more than just sitting down and having a talk. There are huge personal issues to tackle that may or may not ever be resolved. The romantic in me always loves a happy ending, but this ending, disappointing to some as it may be, is happy to me, and more importantly, could ultimately bring happiness to Mindy Lahiri. Whether or not they reconcile, I'm proud of her decision.

Thank you, Mindy Kaling. Emotionally abusive relationships are everywhere but rarely discussed and almost never represented in the media. Thank you for the truthful presentation of what these relationships are really like, and thank you for making Mindy Lahiri a role model. That's not a word I often use to describe the character, but the best example she can set in this situation is to get out of it. You've encouraged me through this very real writing, and more importantly, I hope you've encouraged other women who haven't yet woken up to do follow in Dr. L's lead.

Sean and I have been together ten years. In that time, we've determined his immune system and mine are very different. He gets sick fairly often, complaining of a sore throat or an upset stomach. He thoughtfully tries to avoid kissing when that happens.

I just roll my eyes. "You won't get me sick."

And in ten years, that's always been true. I've never gotten sick from him. Never.

my desk decor for the week.

Ha, ha. Until last week, that is.

At the start of the weekend, I heard the sore throat complaint. We went about our  business. by last Wednesday, I felt a throat tickle. Now, almost a week later, I'm downing cough syrup and wishing I could sleep this nastiness off. Of course, we all know, coughs love nothing more then to assault you when you lay down.

Moral of the story: when you share your entire life with someone, never has plenty of time to find a way.

Oh well. I'll keep kissing him when his throat hurts and I love him anyway.

Yesterday was a big day for Sean and I; it marked ten years since we started dating (wow!).

We commemorated our date with a grainy selfie. This was clearly a classy date.

Naturally, we had to celebrate.

Originally, we'd planned on celebrating over the weekend vs. a Monday night, but a huge Saturday morning snow dump had us under house arrest.

As last minute as possible, I spotted a LivingSocial deal for an Irish Pub I'd seen in passing and wanted to try (we both enjoy Irish pubs but rarely go anymore since vegetarian options are few). After a quick scan of the menu to confirm there were options for me, I texted Sean to see if he was in. Woohoo! We had plans.

We walked the dog, drove to the restaurant, and opened the first set of doors to notice the next set with this stained glass design:

Oh.

"I hope the staff aren't dressed like that," I commented to Sean before opening the door...

To confirm that they are, in fact, dressed like that. Except with lots more cleavage. Great.

So, to summarize, I took my husband to an Irish version of Hooters (Kilts are always better than orange shorts, but still...) to eat subpar food on our anniversary. We are one classy couple.

On the bright side, I immediately posted about my misfortune on Facebook. It was well-received with likes, laughs, and 2 or 3 other women who admitted to making the same mistake.



Moral of the story? When trying a new restaurant, always check for scantily clad staff before making a decision.

Don't you just love the quality of this old scanned image? It's nearly vintage at 10 years old.

This was the first picture taken of Sean and I—by my mom, whom he'd come to meet—10 years ago.

This was us at 19 and 20.

My baby brother was 14, his closest-to-him-in-age brother was 10. His other two siblings were practically toddlers.